WOW WHAT A DAY LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT MY DAY

so my lunch break started at 5:45 and i decided i was gonna go to starbucks, on my never-ending quest to find food at starbucks that i can actually stomach (other than their mini cherry pies, which are delicious)

to get to starbucks i have to cross this big swath of gravel and mud which used to have a train track on it, but now it’s just gravel and mud that they’re…gonna develop and maybe put some stores there or whatever

now

i usually don’t have a problem crossing this gravelly area, sometimes my shoes get a bit muddy and i track mud back into bed bath and beyond, but that’s the worst of it

today however

i get to about right in front of the starbucks drive-thru window (about 15 feet in front of it) when suddenly i just fucking SINK INTO THE MUD, a foot into the mud

i’m shocked and horrified and try to pull a foot out, but my shoe comes off in the mud and i sink my socked foot into the mud again

now the lady at the starbucks window can see my struggle, as can the people in the car at the window, as can about half of starbucks

half the people are laughing at me and the other half are just as horrified as i am

so i pick my shoe up out of the mud and i walk-of-shame into starbucks to the jeering/sympathy of the crowd, and i ask to use their bathroom

i’m tracking mud everywhere and it’s pretty obvious i can’t go back into work wearing these pants or shoes. i start washing out my shoes and socks, decide the socks are a lost cause, and throw them away. after about ten minutes of washing out my shoes i decide i’ve got to go back and tell my manager that i’m going to be late coming back from lunch

i stick my now watery, still muddy, very, very ruined shoes back on and trudge back out into starbucks and i apologize to an employee for making everything muddy, and tell them i’ve cleaned up the sink and floor the best i could

i promise them i’ll buy something tomorrow, but i don’t have time now, and i hurry back to bed bath and beyond (carefully avoiding the former train tracks)

i sneak around by my manager (who’s working customer service while i’m on my lunch), tell her i’ve had a slight emergency with the mud and that i’ll be late coming back to my lunch because i have to run to macy’s to get new pants, shoes and socks

so i literally run to macy’s, which is about a 5-minute’s walk normally, and i try to find acceptable pants that will be my size. i pick up a pair without any time to try them on and hope they’ll fit me, then i trudge to the shoe department to try to find some shoes i can just slip on and go

i find some out-of-season winter…slipper…things with like fucking…cardboard bottoms basically (you know the kind) but none of the shoes on display are my size, and no employees are around to help me get a pair that fits

so i just pick up a size 9 (i’m a size 7-7.5), pick up a pack of socks and check out

it’s seventy two fucking dollars but i don’t have time to shop around, so i just pay and leave asap

i wanted to maybe change at macy’s so i wouldn’t have to walk back in my muddy shoes? but the bathrooms are upstairs and i’m running out of time, so i just walk back to bbb that way

i hurry into the bathroom, and i’m on my way to the handicap stall, when i see that the middle stall is covered in poop

covered in it

it’s on two of the walls, the floor, the feminine product trash can, the toilet seat, it’s awful

i change quickly into my new pants/shoes/socks (with mud still on my feet because i don’t really have the time or means to clean it off), clock back in, run up to my manager and inform her of the poop situation in the bathroom

she tells me she’s gonna stay at customer service while i clean it up

so i do

the poop has clearly been there for a while; it’s started to dry, and it’s just running down the walls and i’m just getting horribly queasy at the whole thing and i hope i don’t throw up (i don’t)

i get back to my station to find that running to macy’s activated my exercise-induced asthma so i’m having a bit of trouble…breathin…

and furthermore, because the shoes i got were so shitty and i wasn’t able to use my soaked/muddy dr scholl’s arch support inserts/orthotics, my feet are killing me, and i have to suffer through incredibly painful plantar fasciitis that i usually don’t have to deal with because i usually have FOOT SUPPORT

and also the back of my heels are raw and bloody because i didn’t wear socks while running to macy’s, so i had to clean that up with tiny alcohol wipes (ow)

and i am starving because i didn’t get any food for lunch, and i don’t get my second break because i took a 40-minute lunch

so

that was my day

at least i didn’t have ridiculous customers

[3:15:35 PM] Sara: i’m excited about my ridiculous hobbit au

[3:15:43 PM] Daikon: what is it :y

[3:16:07 PM] Sara: basically

[3:16:41 PM] Sara: it’s a buncha dudes on a quest to get back the city lot that was unjustly seized from them

[3:16:49 PM] Sara: where they ran a middle eastern restaurant

[3:16:57 PM] Sara: even though they are english and also terrible cooks

[3:16:58 PM] Daikon: oh my god

[3:17:34 PM] Sara: and like smaug really wanted that lot cause it’s PRIME REAL ESTATE it’s the corner lot on a busy intersection and he

[3:17:44 PM] Sara: arranged for a surprise health inspection which he sabotaged

[3:17:56 PM] Sara: and then seized the property through nefarious means

[3:17:57 PM] Sara: but then

[3:18:01 PM] Sara: the economy tanked right after he got it

[3:18:15 PM] Sara: so he had to consolidate his assets and he couldn’t develop the lot

[3:18:27 PM] Sara: but he didn’t want to get rid of it because PRIME REAL ESTATE and also out of spite for thorin

[3:18:39 PM] Sara: so basically what he uses the lot for is just a place for him to sit and smoke weed

[3:18:49 PM] Sara: SO

[3:18:58 PM] Sara: thorin and co are on a mission to get this lot back

[3:19:09 PM] Sara: and they recruit bilbo cause they need someone who can fit in through the basement window

[3:19:49 PM] Sara: this middle eastern restaurant is THORIN’S HERITAGE, it was owned by his dad and granddad

[3:20:47 PM] Sara: and he brings along his nephews cause it’s like “SON, ONE DAY ALL THIS WILL BE YOURS” (obligatory “what, the curtains?”)

[3:21:20 PM] Sara: and they have a friend ori who wants to tag along (ori is a freshman english major)

[3:21:38 PM] Sara: and dori is his older half-brother who is worried about ori so he comes along

[3:21:51 PM] Sara: and nori is a ne’er-do-well who thinks the whole thing is hilarious

[3:21:54 PM] Sara: so he comes along

[3:22:05 PM] Sara: BOMBUR RUNS A LITTLE ICE CREAM CART

[3:22:47 PM] Sara: right near their new (shitty) restaurant and thorin’s like “if you help us i will give you a job” also bombur is a way better cook than any of the people who worked at this restaurant

[3:23:08 PM] Sara: bofur is a kindly hippie dude who tags along with bombur

[3:23:21 PM] Sara: also they are brothers but anyway

[3:23:35 PM] Sara: dwalin and balin are both ex-military, balin was a chef at this restaurant

[3:23:41 PM] Sara: dwalin is also an ex-cop, but now he’s a bouncer

[3:24:08 PM] Sara: oh i forgot that bifur also runs a food cart

[3:24:17 PM] Sara: and is a good cook

[3:25:13 PM] Sara: and lastly oin and gloin are like distant relatives of thorin but they’ve always been good friends and they decided to help

[3:26:20 PM] Sara: and i just have this image of smaug smoking pot in this abandoned restaurant, muttering to himself “it’s free real estate” and then laughing like a high idiot

[3:26:38 PM] Sara: the end

[3:26:40 PM] Daikon: hahaha

[3:26:52 PM] Daikon: so is rl smaug like

[3:27:01 PM] Sara: he looks exactly like benedict cumberbatch

[3:27:04 PM] Sara: red hair and everything

[3:27:05 PM] Daikon: LAUGHS

[3:27:17 PM] Daikon: perfect

[3:27:27 PM] Sara: bc is like a dragon in human form tbh

[3:27:47 PM] Sara: and then and then

[3:27:54 PM] Sara: there’s a showdown between thorin and smaug and thorin’s like

[3:28:03 PM] Sara: “you used me…….(sniff)…..FOR LAND DEVELOPMENT!!”

[3:28:31 PM] Sara: that wasn’t nice!

[3:28:37 PM] Sara: etc etc